“I did not know tonight was going to be this difficult. I was seeing her after almost two months, since… Since she cancelled the wedding. What was I expecting! Obviously she would come to her friend’s wedding anniversary. After all she is the one who introduced me to this friend of her’s when we got engaged. This was a mistake. I knew it, yet I came.”
It was two hours past midnight when I sat alone at a Metro Station. Unfortunately I had missed the last train and it would resume only at six in the morning. I was alone there with a bunch of night security at a distance. The place was large and empty and yet I was feeling suffocated.
“I can’t just plainly sit here.” I said to myself.
Whenever troubled by any thought I have a habit of walking. I would walk for hours in a nearby park and by the end I would be relieved of all the stress. “…but it’s night and I’m far from home.” I argued with myself.
Vanchi city is a safe place. Sure there are occasional news of mugging and murder on streets but mostly the place is safe. So I got out and started walking towards my home. It was a three hour long walk but it’s not like I was going to do it for the first time. I’m habituated to a lot of walking. Still, the night was scary and dark, both outside and inside my mind.
I started walking just knowing that I have to walk eastward until I reach a familiar road. I didn’t care that I was taking an unknown route. My mind was pretty much occupied by the thoughts of my ex-fiancee, Keyari Segwa.
I knew she was going to come which is why I reached there early. For the entire day while I prepared for the party, I kept on resisting the temptation of a thought that she might want to patch things up with me. “Maybe she too can’t live without me.” I said to myself. I was reliving the events of the day before while walking on an empty road.
There were two minds debating in my head “She wants me back.” “She doesn’t.” while I got ready for the party. Both gave solid arguments while I was on the metro to the venue. Every time my mind uttered her name Keyari, I got instant flashes of the time when we first bumped into each other in this very train during one crowded evening. There was turbulence in my mind until I reached the end of the journey. Fortunately they settled on one point, “If she comes alone for the party means she wants me.”
At the party, after wishing the couple, I sat in one corner nervously shaking my leg with my eyes set on the main door. I ate every starter that came my way especially fatty fried meat. I finally saw her enter, alone. Excited I stood up with half eaten leg-piece in my hand. Quietly I dumped the bone at the back of a sofa and rushed to the washroom.
“This is it, she wants me.” I said to myself with a wide smile while looking in the mirror. “You have to play it cool. Don’t bark-.”
Suddenly I snapped back to the road as I saw a few dogs barking on the other side of the road. I’m not a dog lover, this made the moment very scary as these dogs were barking, running around, having a brawl. Slowly quietly I walk past them and didn’t look back. When I was out of danger, I snapped back into the washroom.
“I’ll play it cool. I’ll not approach her. Let her come to me.” I said to myself. I fixed my shirt and stepped out confidently. The moment I stepped out I got a big shock as she was there just outside. I was hoping to say something but couldn’t, the place was too loud. The DJ played a deafening party song while everybody danced to the tune. We exchanged a formal smile and I let her enter the washroom.
While everyone else kept on dancing, eating, drinking, I decided to stay sober so as to be decent when she decides finally to approach me. I waited but she didn’t come. From time to time I looked for her in the room. She seemed always occupied in a conversation with someone. After all most people there were her school and college friends. This kept her busy leaving me alone. I knew only the two people celebrating their anniversary and my ex.
It was a late night party. Somehow they managed to book a place that stayed open past midnight. I waited for a very long time while pretending to be busy on my phone. When she didn’t approach me, I finally got up and walked out of the party. “What was I thinking… This was a mistake.” I said to myself.
I played this event again and again in my mind trying to remember if there was any moment when I caught Keyari looking for me or wanting to talk to me. I was recollected the same memory so many times that my thoughts were getting twisted. I started imagining her smiling at me, missing me, trying to come to talk to me. “I should not have left early.” I said to myself.
This was a meaningless thought as I was almost home. After two long hours I stepped on a familiar road. Close to home I saw four homeless guys standing in a circle whispering to each other. Seeing them in front of me pulled me back to present. Quietly I went to the other side of the road and continued to walk.
I kept my head straight while I walked towards my destination. But from time to time I turned to see what they were doing. Luckily they weren’t looking at me. As I continued to walk I kept on turning back. So much so that I didn’t see where my steps were going.
I accidentally tripped over a sleeping dog. The dog woke up and started barking. This scared me. On top of that those four were now looking at me. It was scary situation. I’m pretty sure I saw one of them take out a knife from his pocket. I turned back and continued to walk while joining hands and praying to god.
Suddenly I heard someone call, “Hello!”
The instant I heard the voice I sprinted across the next five hundred meters. The dog wasn’t barking and the men weren’t calling, still I ran. I stopped only when I was inside my society building. My heart was pounding and my lungs were screaming for air. I sat on one of the stairway towards my apartment.
Realizing I was out of danger I calmed myself down. I couldn’t help but laugh at this situation. Throughout the entire walk I couldn’t get the thought of my ex-fiancee out of my mind. I realized that simply walking wouldn’t be enough to forget about her. But I guess these last five minutes did the trick.
Funny thing isn’t it? the very troubling relationship or work related problems seem insignificant when something happens that threatens our life. Finally, after months of internal emotional struggle, that night I was done obsessing over my ex-fiancee…
…or so I thought.
back to BHEET MAL – TIMELINE
First of all thank you for reading this post. What you read here is not my absolute belief set in stone. I am always open for discussion and future alterations to the post. Actually I consider these posts as a conversation starter. So if you have an opinion to share, please do comment down below.